


Like Somebody I Used To Know

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [188]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First War with Voldemort, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Lily Evans Potter is a Good Friend, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Not Really Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27885922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: James and Sirius drift apart when Lily comes into the picture. Nothing changes in a good way until after Sirius is kidnapped (and escapes). Weird, but he's willing to accept it.
Relationships: Sirius Black/James Potter
Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [188]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/752925
Comments: 8
Kudos: 101





	Like Somebody I Used To Know

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: “While James and Lily are together, Sirius and James drift a part. Sirius is kidnapped by death eaters and after months manages to escape. Sirius finds James a lot more affected than he thought he would be.”

"Hey, you want to do something tonight?" Sirius asked as they left work. 

"Nah, I was going to hang out with Lily," James said. 

"You've been spending _every_ night with Lily. Take a night off to spend with your best mate," Sirius said, slinging an arm over his shoulders. 

James gave a small laugh like he was trying to remember how he used to react when Sirius did this. 

"It's called variety," Sirius said, ignoring the sinking in his stomach. "C'mon, what's the harm?" 

"No harm," James said, shifting away in such a way that Sirius knew he wanted that arm gone. Sirius let it drop back to his side. "I just want to spend some more time with Lily. Something wrong with that?" 

"Nope," Sirius said, instead of what he was thinking, which was that _yes_ there was something wrong with that. All James wanted to do now was spend time with Lily. He kept blowing off Sirius, no matter if they had plans ahead of time or not-- and no matter what Sirius offered to do. Hanging out didn't get James interested, and neither did listening to a Quidditch match or going out for drinks. He never wanted to do anything with Sirius anymore. 

Sirius had sort of thought that James would grow out of it. That he'd get over the novelty of having a girlfriend and learn how to split his time, just like he'd always promised that he would. 

"I guess I'll just see you when you get home, then." 

"Yeah," James said. He didn't bother to smile at Sirius or add anything else. 

* * *

Sirius wished he could say he was surprised that James was moving out, but he hardly spent any time there anymore. Moving in with Lily made sense, what with him staying the night there more often than not. 

It had been a long, consistent slide into losing his best friend. He'd tried to make time for James. He'd invited him to lunch, organized game nights for the Marauders to get together, and a dozen other things, none of which James took him up on. 

They'd just... grown apart. James was moving on with his life. Sirius wanted to stay the way that they were as soon as they left Hogwarts, but James had gone and gotten himself a girlfriend, made the relationship serious, and decided that he wanted to go somewhere further with it. 

Friends drifted apart. It happened. Sirius had just never thought that it would happen to him and James. 

The war sure as hell didn't help matters, because then the free time that any of them had went down. Not only did their work as aurors take up more time than before, but Dumbledore had a wide variety of things that needed to happen and not very many Order members to take care of it. It was war and it was hell, but Sirius felt like he would've been able to handle it a lot better if James still caught his eye and grinned to let him know that he thought everything was going to be okay.

* * *

James blinked, feeling like the floor had been taken out from under him. "What?" he heard himself ask, as if from a distance. 

Dumbledore's expression didn't change. "I'm sorry, James." 

"Thanks for telling us," Lily said after a moment, when it became clear that James wasn't going to say anything further. 

It was several minutes before James said anything. Lily made him a cup of tea, and he wrapped his hands around the mug without looking like he was aware of it. "He can't be dead." 

Lily didn't respond to that. Denial was part of the process. She knew that they hadn't spent a lot of time together lately-- since she started dating James actually, and Merlin if she didn't feel guilty about that-- but a few short years ago, they'd been as close as two people could possibly be. That was going to take a toll on a person no matter what. Lily rubbed his back. 

"He can't be dead," James said again, but his voice was thick and there were tears gathering in his eyes. His hands were starting to shake, and Lily took the mug out of his hands before he sloshed tea on himself. "We never- he kept trying and I-" 

"It's okay," Lily muttered, wrapping him in a hug. "It's okay." She knew that it wasn't, but it would be eventually. That's how all of this was going to turn out. No matter how much hell it was while they were in it, if they were alive after the dust settled, they'd learn to live with it; they had to. 

* * *

Sirius had been surprised when he blacked out surrounded by Death Eaters and then woke up again. He was too dangerous to keep alive, or so he'd thought. Not to mention that Order members weren't taken captive. Torturing traitor wizards apparently wasn't as much fun for Death Eaters as doing it to Muggles. If they felt like they had something to prove, then yeah, they'd make an example of someone. 

Sirius had been afraid that that was his fate, but after being locked up for _weeks_ , it was clear they had something else in mind. Hell if he knew what it was, though. 

He didn't know how long he'd been there. He'd tried to count, but it was useless. He was on the edge of starvation, and with pretty much nothing to occupy his attention, he lost track of time. 

When help came, it was in the most unlikely place that Sirius would've thought to find it-- Snape. He looked like he'd rather be doing literally anything else the entire time that he helped him escape, but he _did_ help him escape and that's pretty much all Sirius cared about. "Why are you doing this?" Sirius asked after they were out of the house. 

"That's none of your concern," Snape sneered. It was equal parts likely that he'd finish helping him or kill him. 

"It's a little my concern," Sirius argued weakly-- weak because he felt like he was two seconds away from passing out, not weak because he doubted himself. 

Snape grit his teeth and said nothing. Nothing until, at least, they were much farther from the house and he was shoving a portkey into Sirius's hands. "I'm only doing it for Lily." 

Sirius didn't have a chance to respond to that because the portkey kicked in, and he landed in the lobby for St. Mungo's. 

* * *

Sirius knew that the smart thing to do would be stay in hospital for a while longer, but he felt too vulnerable there. As soon as he felt like he could safely make it back to his flat, he did. 

And then he was confused. "Where the hell's all my shite?" he wondered aloud. Some of it was still around. It's not like it had all vanished, but parts of the living room were packed up, likely in the boxes sitting in the corner. His record player was still out, but the shelf that had held all of his records was bare. The couch was exactly where he'd left it, but the muggle painting Lily had given him was gone. 

He shuffled to his room and found that it was the same. His bed was still there, but the sheets and blanket were off of it. He couldn't see a pillow by looking around, which was a shame because he'd wanted to take a nap. Not that he really needed a pillow to take a nap. He'd been sleeping on the floor for the past... however long he'd been gone; having a pillow would be opulent to him. 

He collapsed on the stripped bed. It felt soft as a marshmallow. For a moment, he worried that he wouldn't be able to get to sleep, but he was exhausted. 

When he woke up again, it was light out. He stumbled to the kitchen and wasn't really surprised to see that there wasn't any food around. He should figure out what had happened, but first, he needed to find food. He missed James. 

That's exactly how the thoughts went in his mind. He went straight from thinking about food to thinking that he wanted to see James. James would probably feed him. James used to delight in making sure Sirius ate. It had been a long time since they'd done that, but- well, to hell with it. He wanted to see his best mate again, and he felt the right mix of belligerent and desperate. He wanted to see James again, and by Merlin, he was going to do it no matter what anyone else thought about it-- including James. 

The first step to that was getting dressed though, because he was still in the patient robe that St. Mungo's had dressed him in. He went for his comfiest clothes-- thankfully not packed away yet and still safely in his wardrobe-- and tried not to think about how they hung loosely off his frame. The closet was empty, but the wardrobe hadn't been touched. His sweatpants barely stayed on his hips. He felt like he was swimming in the jumper that he'd stolen from James back in seventh year. His hair was longer than it had been since he last dealt with it, and it was getting in his way. Every time he turned his head and had more hair following the motion than he expected, it jolted him a little bit, putting him on edge. He tied it back then shaved. He didn't have energy for a whole lot, but he'd never liked having a beard. 

Gripping his wand tightly, he apparated on the doorstep of Lily and James's flat. Or at least, what used to be their flat. With his own home being so weird, he wouldn't put it past them to have moved. He knocked on the door and waited anxiously. 

James was the one to open it. He had a mug in one hand, and the other on the door. "Hel-" He saw who it was, and his eyes went wide. The mug slipped from his hand and shattered on the floor. 

Sirius jumped back automatically. "Bugger," he muttered. He drew his wand and repaired the mug, then vanished the liquid that had spread everywhere. He glanced up at James, who seemed to have frozen in shock. "Erm." Sirius bent down and picked the mug up, since it didn't look like James was going to do it. "You got any food? My flat's sort of been emptied. What's up with that, anyways?" When James continued to stare, Sirius frowned. "James? You okay?" 

From inside the flat, he heard Lily call, "James? Who is it? Are you okay?" 

"I think I broke him!" Sirius called back. 

There was a pause then the sound of running feet and Lily skidded to a stop behind James. "Sirius?" she asked, eyes welling with tears. 

"Who else would it be?" he asked with a crooked smile. He didn't understand this reaction at all. Sure they'd missed him, but it's not like they'd been very close when he was captured. 

"Oh my-" Lily said, her voice tight. She never finished, hands coming up to cover her mouth as tears spilled over. 

"Woah, hey, no need to- get all upset about it." Sirius shoved the mug into James's stomach, and his hands took it automatically. "I think your girlfriend's going a bit spare, mate." 

"Shite, come in," James said, one hand on the empty mug and with the other, he reached out and pulled Sirius into the flat. 

Lily threw her arms around him, thankfully not putting much weight behind it otherwise he would've fallen over. "You're so thin," she said when she pulled back, lip wobbling. "Food! Yes, that must be why you're here. I'll- I'll find you something to eat." 

Sirius watched her bustle back into the kitchen, frowning again. "How long was I missing?" 

"Missing? We thought you were _dead_ ," James choked out. "We were t-trying to pack up your flat; that's why all your food's gone." 

"Oh," Sirius said quietly. Dead. They'd thought he was dead, so they were taking apart his flat. Packing everything up. "Does that mean you have my painting?" he asked, because it was better than all the alternatives he could come up with. 

Instead of answering, James dragged him to the living room. The picture was to the side of the mantel place. On the mantel were a row of framed pictures. Over half had Sirius in them. "Stay with us," James said. It wasn't a request, not really. "You can't stay all by yourself, and we've got an extra room." 

"Isn't that something you should talk to Lily about?" Sirius asked. Not because he wanted to say no, but because this really wasn't a reaction he'd expected. Of course, he'd also thought that he'd been _missing_ , not dead to them. 

"She'll say yes." 

"Are you sure-" 

"You're staying," Lily said, tone firm. She walked up to them and pressed a mug into Sirius's hands. "Drink this, it's got a nutrient potion in it." 

Sirius made a face-- nutrient potions tasted like shite-- but obediently took a sip. Pleasantly surprised at the fruity flavor instead of the bogey one that he'd been anticipating, he took a bigger drink. "You've still got my leather jacket, yeah? I couldn't find it." 

James pointed at the door, and for a heart stopping moment, Sirius thought that James was telling him to leave. Then he followed where he was pointing and saw that Sirius's jacket was hanging there, side by side with Lily and James's coats like he'd already been living there. 

"Oh." He didn't really know what to say. "Thanks." 

* * *

James stuck to Sirius's side like glue. Lily seemed worried about him too, and she was definitely watchful, but it wasn't the same. Sirius didn't know if it was overcompensating for blowing him off before his disappearance, but he felt like he should tell him to ease up; he didn't. Maybe it was guilt on James's part, but Sirius liked the attention. He had nightmares, and he knew that he wasn't going to have to deal with it all by himself. Any time he didn't want to be alone, he didn't have to be. 

* * *

"I think I'm going to break up with Lily," James said one day. 

"What?" 

James took a deep breath. "I think..." He took his glasses off and inspected the lenses for specks then put them back on. "I'm in love with you. And I don't think it would be fair to either of you for me to stay with her." 

"James..." 

James didn't look over at him. 

Sirius swallowed thickly. "You only think you love me because I was gone for so long." 

"Don't," James said, shaking his head. "I've thought about this. This isn't some spur of the moment decision. It's been weeks since you got back. That's more than enough time for me to figure out what I'm feeling. I almost- Merlin, Sirius, I couldn't live without you." He looked at Sirius, a haunted cast to his eyes that Sirius recognised from the mirror. "I wasn't _me_ when you were gone. Ask anyone." 

Sirius wanted a hundred different things, and none of them were what he ended up doing. "I'm not going to jump into a relationship with you," he said, feeling like he was going to shake into a dozen pieces. "I need time to think." 

* * *

Sirius didn't mean to be around when James and Lily broke up, but it's not like he'd been warned to clear out directly beforehand. Plus, he'd sort of been thinking that, without the promise of a new relationship, James wouldn't break up with her. 

The flat wasn't exactly a coat closet, but it wasn't spacious, either. It meant that even though his bedroom door was closed, he could hear most of what they were saying in the living room. 

James said, "I think we should break up. I just don't think my heart's in it anymore." 

Lily said something that Sirius couldn't make out, then, "Is it Sirius?" 

"Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't know how I felt about him until after he got back and-" 

"It's fine." 

"It's... fine?" James repeated. 

"I'd be lying if I said I was surprised," Lily said. 

A pause. "I shouldn't be in your hair for very long. I've been meaning to clean up my parent's old manor; I can-" 

"No." 

"...No?" 

"You're staying here. We're safest when we're together. You can stay with Sirius in the second room." 

"Lily, that- it's incredible for you to offer that, but Sirius and I aren't together." 

"Yeah, yeah, you just broke up with me so you aren't _officially_ together yet, but-" 

"No, I mean I told Sirius that I wanted to be with him, and- well. We're not planning to get together." 

"He doesn't feel the same way?" Lily asked. 

"I dunno. He didn't really say." 

"Then how do you know you're not getting together?" 

There was a slight pause between her asking and James answering, and even though he couldn't see it, Sirius knew that James was shrugging. "I think technically he said he would think about it, but what's there to think about? If I were him, I wouldn't forgive me. You remember what I was like, right? I just- kept bloody ignoring him all the sodding time." 

Lily said something too quiet for Sirius to hear, but it must have been good because all James did in response was sigh and say, "Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right." 

If Lily weren't out there, Sirius would come out of his room and and tell James exactly where he belonged in his life, but he wasn't about to rub that in her face. 

* * *

"Hey," Sirius said hesitantly as he entered the kitchen the next morning. Lily had acted like she was cool with it while they were breaking up, but there was no telling if that was still true. Her and James had been together for over a year; she was entitled to be a little bitter. 

"Hey," she said, smiling up at him warmly-- just like she always did. "Did James tell you that we split?" 

No beating around the bush, there. That was comforting, at least, that he wasn't going to have to wait around for it to be brought up. "I sort of, erm, overheard it. Does it count as eavesdropping if it wasn't on purpose?" 

"Hmm, I don't think so, but maybe ask me when the war's over and that's my biggest problem." 

"I look forward to it," Sirius said, gingerly lowering himself into a chair. "You okay?" 

"I think so," she said, rotating her cup. "It wasn't really a surprise, you know? He was such a mess after you were gone, and then when you got back, I'd see him looking at you, and... well, it used to be the way he looked at me. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. I guess you already heard this part, but I want you to stay. I want both of you to stay." 

Sirius nodded. "Safer together." 

"And I don't want to be alone," she said quietly, eyes kept on her cup, which she was still fidgeting with. The relationship was over and I'm fine with that, but I don't want to have to come home to an empty flat every day. I don't want to wake up and know that I won't see anyone until I go to an Order meeting or head into work." 

Sirius nodded again, because he didn't know what to say. He found himself doing that a lot these days. He used to talk. He was tired of talking just to hear his own voice. He wanted to exist, wasn't that enough? "Did I ever tell you how I got out?" he asked. 

"No." 

"Snape did it." 

Lily's head jerked up to meet his eyes. Her hand went still. 

"He said that he was doing it for you." 

She swallowed. She looked back down at her cup. Took a deep breath and looked up again. She pasted a smile on her face and made it clear that she didn't want to talk about that. "You should tell James yes. I don't want you to say no because of me." 

Sirius gave a noncommittal, "I'll think about it," but by the end of the night, his answer was clear. He dragged-- read: he tugged lightly and James followed with no resistance-- James to their room and said, "No buggering way are you sleeping on the couch." 

"Right." He mussed his hair nervously. "I know that we used to do that and it didn't mean anything, but I figured, since you knew how I felt, it might change things." 

"Change things in a good way," Sirius said, giving his hand another tug. When James looked at him hopefully, Sirius smiled. "I said I needed time to think. I had time; I thought about it." 

"And?" 

"And," Sirius said, reaching a hand up to cup James's cheek, "I decided that a world without you isn't one I want to live in." 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


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